The chain of events was placed in motion in February when I was contacted by a former classmate with whom I had kept in touch regarding the upcoming reunion of my high school graduating class.  I was promptly added to the reunion group on a popular social media site and, being like the fish who sits at the back of the tank watching others float by, I pretty much figured that would be that.

The first encounter was a sweet acknowledgement of my introduction into the group with the response of “Would that be the blonde, bright, and beautiful Terry Hollenstain?” from one of the guys.  I was touched by a follow up comment disclosing that he had had a “huge” crush on me during our sophomore year.  The things  you never knew…..

Then things got a little weird.  I received a friend request from a woman who was the ringleader of a group of girls who had bullied me from sixth through ninth grades.  To put it mildly, I was stunned and ignored the request to “friend”.  I asked my good friend Katherine (who happens to be a social worker) what she thought this meant, and she responded that my ex and would-be friend probably did not remember how she had treated me so many years ago.

No such luck.  Shortly thereafter, while I was checking my messages on this site I noticed a little “other” below the main message bar.  When I opened it there was a mail from my “friend” which read in part:

“I have been thinking a lot lately about old friends. I remember you and how we were all so close in grade school. Then in Jr. High how nasty we all were to you…and I’m so very sorry about that! Don’t remember how or why it happened, but I was all caught up in the peer pressure of it all. Hope you can forgive my youthful thoughtlessness and be my friend again? I truly am sorry for my behavior way back then.”

While I can acknowledge the courage that it took to send this note, it unfortunately brought back a lot of memories that I had long ago put away in some box (Pandora’s?) in my mental attic.  Even more unfortunately, this happened during tax season when I need to focus all of my energies on work.  Those memories are now tucked back into their box and are moving once again to the back of my mental attic.

The reason that I am writing all of this down now is that last week the body of a missing teenage girl was found in a local state park.  She had apparently committed suicide over some romantic misadventure.  Every time I hear about something like this, I have wished that I could do something.

Being the survivor of failed relationships and having been bullied for an extended period of time, I wish that I could somehow tell these suffering young people that as much pain as they are currently in, they will survive.  Yes, they will have memories and scars, but if they just wait a while I can speak from experience that they will get past their current trauma.  Like me, they will be able to tuck their history into a box, close it and put it away, and move forward comfortably (most of the time) wearing the tattoos that life has given them.

Is it sunny, slightly overcast or down right nasty in “your world”?  Well that may depend on what I am referring to.  My blog always has a business spin but this time I am asking about you.  That’s right you, the dad, mom, daughter, son, aunt, uncle, sister, brother.  I know you must at least hold one of those titles.

Personally, I have moved from slightly overcast to bright and sunny.  How about you?

That’s right, I am done with doom and gloom that has surrounded so many people for too long.  I am out to change attitudes and bring hope and dreams back to everyone I connect with.  I am so blessed with a wonderful family and friends that I can’t help but want to share what I have with others.  Sharing, now there is something you were taught in kindergarten, but as we grow older it can become harder to do.

Giving of yourself to help another.  That’s nothing new, but in our individualistic world this is often passed over because “I am just to busy”.  Having a positive impact on another doesn’t take money, but rather the time to listen and to really understand what they’re going through.  This includes the good times too!  We all are running in so many different directions that we often don’t even stop to acknowledge the success of another.  Be it a family member, neighbor, or a co-worker, each one deserves to be recognized and celebrated.

So here is my challenge to you:  Start each day by reflecting on how you can serve someone before yourself.  I have a feeling your forecast will quickly move from stormy to warm and sunny.

Until next time…I am forecasting many sunny lives in the days ahead.

P.S. Photography credit goes to my niece Monica :)

Unfortunately for most businesses (and for many individuals) some problems cannot be solved through automation alone. 

Look at sales and marketing. How many businesses have sought to boost their lagging sales by implementing a new CRM system? If your biggest sales and marketing problem is finding a contact’s address, then a CRM solution might be just the thing.  (Or maybe you just need a bigger spreadsheet, we can help you with that.)

Most sales and marketing issues are far more complicated. They might involve bad planning, unclear messages, or a poorly defined story. They might be the result of  poor follow-through or bad product pricing. Technology can only go so far. You can use the world’s most expensive, high-powered, cloud-based CRM solution to email a ton of boring, poorly worded messages and you’re still going to have terrible response rates. Conversely, you can mail a hand written note to the right audience and see tremendous results. In order to succeed with any technology, you have to have people and processes to support them. You have to build a plan to manage your communications with customers. You need a story to tell.  And someone is going to have to sift through all of your detailed demographic data if you plan to send unique messages to different audiences. Eventually, you will need to establish a personal  relationship in order to generate sales.

The hardest part of implementing any type of new technology (except maybe that baby naming app) is configuring it correctly. You have to decide how people will interact with your system and then build processes that support them. If you want everyone in your winery to use your CRM system, you have to make it easy for them to access it. Do you have a single license for software that resides on a desktop in the corner? If so, don’t expect it to get updated regularly. 

And one day, if your child turns out to be unhappy about  naming himself  “Horatio” thanks to an untimely kick to your iPhone, just direct him to the Live Happy app.

Here we go again.  Another year has begun and we all are looking forward to brighter days.  So what are you doing to make today better than yesterday?  Yes, it is up to you to make change happen.  If you really think the government or anyone else for that matter is going to save the day, you need to wake up and do a reality check.  In other words, quit making excuses and start doing something to improve your situation.

I believe that as our society has grown, it has become easier to get lost in the crowd.  Many people have chosen to leave their responsibility for being a productive, caring human being to “the man”.  Unfortunately, “the man” doesn’t really care about you and your dreams and will always put its self- interest first.

So, what to do?  First, step off that wheel you’re on and take some time to reflect on what you’re trying to accomplish.  It’s okay to have dreams, but it’s even better to have a plan that you will follow to make them a reality.  All of the greatest accomplishments, whether personal or in business started with one person having an idea.  What is your idea?

Next, move your idea forward.  You do this by surrounding yourself with people who believe what you believe.  Share your ideas with them and keep moving forward.  Don’t worry, there will be plenty of unexpected forks in the road along the way.  You need to accept that your “plan” needs to be flexible so you can quickly adapt.  Holding on to your “perfect idea/plan” can cause your fast sailing boat to quickly stop as you drop the anchor.  Being able to trim your sails with the changing wind will allow you to gain momentum and keep moving toward the realization of your dream.

Until next time….may your fresh start to a new year release the independent doer within you.

The key, in my opinion, is how we choose to view and tell our story. When a tragedy happens, do we take it as confirmation of our own failings, or do we look for lessons that we can learn from the episode? It’s never easy and I don’t want to trivialize the emotion of the moment or the sorrow of human suffering. When we first encounter the sorrow or the fear or the hurt, we have no choice but to cope – any way we can. But once we survive the episode, when we have time to breathe, how do we talk about the event?

We have a choice.

We can view the event as part of our long tale of woe and make it so. Or we can view the event as a stepping stone that leads us onward and upward.

Sometimes, we can only see the positives when we look back over our lives. The same events that at the time were heart-stopping and deadly, in retrospect, turn out to be the very events that propelled us forward into our best moments.

In my case, my dream to be a speaker and communicator was realized when I spoke at Tedx Napa Valley in September. I got there through a series of high and lows, twists and turns, laughter and tears. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the lessons I have learned.

What about you? Do you have scars or tattoos that tell the story of your life?

How will you do in 2012?  I think the key to your business’s success is pretty simple.  It all comes down to execution.

For many, this is easier said than done.  You’re either  going to dig deep inside and turn the switch from pilot light to ON or you will move through 2012 with a lot of talk about what you need to do.

Step 1:  Ignite the pilot light

Step 2:  Turn the switch to on

Step 3:  Prepare for lift off

Step 4:  Set your sights on immediate short-term success

Step 5:  Move quickly to get your first win

Step 6:  Celebrate each victory with your team

Step 7:  Implement your next strategy

Step 8:  Repeat steps 4-7!

With each success, you will find the fire building within.  Capitalize on this momentum.  Plan on less talking about “it” and more doing “it” as you walk down the path you desire.

Until next time…soar to new heights with your flame aglow and leave the hot air behind.

The Napa Valley is a buzz with harvest in full swing.  I recently had the opportunity to join a grape harvest crew.  Let me clarify, my camera and I followed along to observe  the hospitality team  jumping in and helping the vineyard crew with grape picking.  It reminded me of the times when I was a kid and would get real excited about getting to do a “grown-up” task.  The anticipation was always more exciting than the actual work.  Sure, the first hour was fun but then it became a job and wasn’t fun anymore.  In this instance, the hospitality team were just as excited as they climbed up the hillside with shears in-hand.

The vineyard manager showed them what grapes to pick.  It was now their turn.  Away they went snipping and clipping away.  Grape bunches were quickly filling their plastic bins.  The full-time vineyard crews were quickly moving past the newbies and although I didn’t understand their comments I could tell by their tone that they knew these folks couldn’t keep up with them and would surely collapse under the heat of the rising sun.

Oh boy, everyone was having such a good time.  The team spirit was flying high and  even when the vineyard foreman pointed out grapes being missed, they would quickly correct their mistakes.  That’s the fun part – being able to walk in someone else’s shoes for the moment.  It allows you to learn something new but at the same time provides a greater appreciation for what is really involved.

For the hospitality team, they walked away with a few new blisters and a great story to share with their guests arriving later that day.  But even greater is the fact that each employee recognized that they are part of a team that requires everyone to be at their best to achieve success.

Until next time…try walking in another’s shoes sometime and discover how important they are to you.

In my hours of pondering my friend and his situation, what finally came into my mind was “BRAT”.  For those of you who, like me, have a fussy stomach, you might know that “BRAT” is medical shorthand for a diet of bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast.  This is generally recommended for folks who are having difficulty eating, which my friend now does.

How does “BRAT” apply to me and my relationship to my friend?  Well, in Sonoma County, we have recently ended the Gravenstein apple season.  In my personal opinion, Gravenstein apples make the very best applesauce.   So, over the last couple of months, I have been converting organic Gravenstein apples from local growers in Sebastopol into chunky, homemade, low sugar applesauce and canning it.  The cans are given to my friend so that he has them available in his pantry when he needs them.

Additionally, since my friend loves blackberry jam, I have taken my dog Blue, and haunted the area back roads to pick blackberries on the weekends and convert them into jam.  Through my efforts, in addition to applesauce, my friend will also have homemade blackberry jam to put on bagels, which comprise the “toast” portion of his diet.

Preparing special foods that my friend likes and can eat is a very small thing to do, in light of what he is facing.  The special foods that I prepare will not prevent the cancer from eventually taking my friend.  They will not keep the pain away.  But, in some small way, perhaps by preparing foods that he loves and can eat, it will provide him, as well as me, some small measure of comfort and an acknowledgement that he is loved and that he means a lot to people.

It is a small thing, but, sometimes, all that you can do in the face of such a devastating prognosis is what you “can”.

No, I am not talking about betting the horses, although the results of this kind of playing favorites can result in some pretty serious losses.  What I am referring to is the tendency of parents to favor one of their children over another.  In my experience, when this topic comes up, virtually all parents will stoutly maintain that they treat all of their children the same.  However, from conversations that I have had with family and friends over the years, it is apparent that some very intelligent people are either seriously clueless about their own behavior or on a really long cruise up that river in Egypt (de Nile).

I recently attended a class offered through the community education branch of a local junior college.  The subject was how to deal with issues around the planning and administration of parental estates.  I went in support of a good friend who is currently involved with assisting her surviving parent and dealing with adversarial relationships among her siblings.

In listening to the speaker and questions from the audience, it quickly became apparent to me that there were numerous serious family rifts that had been either caused by ongoing preferential treatment by parents during their lifetimes or by a perceived inequitable division of their estates.  Unfortunately, there is no easy or sure way to make sure that this sort of thing does not happen in a family.

Perhaps parents need to take a step (or three or four) back and honestly assess their behavior towards their children.  Do they “reward” the life circumstances of one child (a spouse and children) over the circumstances of another (single with a career)?  Do they allow themselves to be manipulated (financially and/or emotionally) by any of their children?   Do they become angry and defensive when their children try to discuss the dynamics of their family relationships?

Although self-reflection can be a daunting task, and changing long-term behavior patterns is difficult, making the effort could mean ending up in the “winner’s circle” rather than “finishing up the track” or “breaking down” in the family relationship race.  So many times, I have heard people say “I love my relatives, but I don’t really like them”.  Wouldn’t you like to be able to say “I love my family and I really do like them, too”?

When it comes to priorities, sometimes it feels like we are constantly trying to balance on a teetering see-saw with an unpredictable person on the other end.

This out of balance feeling seems to be impacting everyone lately from businesses to individuals. We are all under constant pressure to do more, to give back, to network, to Tweet, to eat slow food. We don’t want to be the lone slacker so we do more and more every day.  But we soon find ourselves doing fewer things well (and waiting a long time for our dinner).

The solution, in my opinion, is clarity. If we will individually and collectively take a rest from doing and spend a little more time contemplating, we will be in a better position to identify the things that really matter. We need a sense of purpose that helps us prioritize not only our daily activities but also our corporate goals and objectives.

At BDCo, we have gotten some great insights from thinking about and articulating our firm’s purpose, which we call our “Why” statement. The idea came from Simon Sinek’s book, Start with Why. The idea is a simple one but its power is quite amazing. Just by staying focused on those things that matter most, you start making better decisions.  It happens when you start thinking about your core beliefs and then look for others who share them.

We have seen this approach make a difference in wineries, in charitable and civic organizations, and in businesses of every sort. But it starts with each one of us as individuals. Take a few minutes to first define your personal beliefs and then think about actions you can take each day in  support of those beliefs.  How do your personal beliefs line up with those of your company? What can you do today that gives you a sense of passion?

Define your beliefs and then use them to set priorities. I believe in you.